2001-06-15 - 3:20 p.m.
On the L.A. Times web site this morning I found the following picture:
Yes, those are watermelons. Cube-shaped watermelons. Japanese farmers make them by growing them inside these square, Procrustean bed-like shatterproof-glass containers. Why? For ease of storage, apparently. They�re a big hit with Japanese consumers who like how neatly they fit in the refrigerator. It�s like cram school for produce, I guess.
I always feel just a little bit uncomfortable whenever my friends and I are playing Laugh at the Funny Foreigners. Sure, Japanese culture has its weirdnesses, and "Engrish" phrases make great T-shirts, but I also have to wonder how goofy they think we are. What do they make of our Godzilla obsession, for instance? (I can hear Blivet already: "They can make a hat, or a brooch, or a pterodactyl....") Remember back in the �80s when clothes with Japanese and Chinese characters printed on them were all the rage? I always figured they didn�t say anything that made actual sense--or if they did, it was stuff like "Ronald Reagan sucks pickled donkey dick," that someone in Japan came up with to show how gullible Americans are. And for the love of God, what on earth are they going to think of that upcoming U.S. remake of Iron Chef hosted by William Shatner?
Hell, our own President has been spending the last week convincing everyone in Europe that we�re all insane, or stupid, or both, so who are we to get all culturally superior?
Having said that, however, cube-shaped watermelons are weird. I just don�t think I can deal with produce that�s not shaped the way nature intended. It�s just too ... I dunno, too Romulan.
But I�m willing to bet they�d be hugely popular at the Big Gay Ralphs down the street. To paraphrase Dorothy Parker, if you took all the fruits in Hillcrest and laid them end to end--I wouldn�t be a bit surprised.
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I kid Hillcrest, but I love it here. Tomorrow is the fifth anniversary of my move to San Diego, and I plan to celebrate by going to a Padres game. Maybe they�ll even win--though I suppose that�s expecting too much.
And tonight I'm to a brewpub ... So as they say in the mysterious East, LET'S BEER!
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