2003-09-25 - 10:25 p.m.
You are at a wine-tasting at a hip downtown hotel. As the evening progresses, you find yourself in a corner talking to a young woman. She appears to be interested in you. Very interested. She laughs at your jokes--even the ones that you yourself think are lame--she touches you oh-so-lightly-and-casually on the arm, the knee, her voice drops to a husky, intimate whisper as she leans toward you and offers an eyeful of her cleavage, and so on. Basically, she wants you bad.
The trouble is, she is a dead ringer for Anne Coulter.
Not just a passing resemblance, mind you. Not just a vague, sorta-looks-like-Anne-Coulter-if-you-down-six-glasses-of-wine-and-squint. I mean, she could have been grown in the same grimy, used petri dish in Karl Rove's dank and kiddie-porn-strewn basement as Miss "Let's Kill All the Muslims and Then Convert Them to Christianity" herself. It's starting to freak you out, actually.
Your response:
a) Run screaming into the night.
b) Excuse yourself as quickly as you can, get some more wine, then spend the rest of the evening stuffing your face with free appetizers and staying on the opposite side of the room from her.
c) Take her home, have sex with her, and then at the moment of orgasm, say, "Guess what, Anne-baby? I'm a LIBERAL! You heard me! A LIBERAL! I voted for Bill Clinton! I support universal health care! I give money to the ACLU four times a year! You're being fucked! By! A! LIBERAL! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
d) Go into the men's room, jerk off, and go home.
e) HELLO!
f) Good evening.
***
|
 |