2001-04-22 - 11:03 p.m.
I rarely shop at the Ralphs market in Hillcrest anymore. There are two reasons for this. One, because the stuff there is absurdly overpriced--at least half again what I�d pay at Henry�s, to use it as an example. Two, because I�d rather not give my money to some evil corporate Megalomart when I can give it to an evil locally-owned business. (Yeah, Henry�s may be run by a bunch of union-busting assholes who buy cheap slave-picked produce from Mexico--or so the ueber-PCers in this town tell me--but at least they�re local.)
Tonight, however, it was late and Henry�s was closed. Besides, the Ralphs has a certain entertainment value and I like to go there every so often just for that. The first thing you have to understand is that the Ralphs here has been officially certified as the Gayest Supermarket in Southern California--it is in Hillcrest, after all. The second thing is that it�s been renovated since I was last there and is even gayer than before. You can�t even get in the door now without first fighting your way past all the potted ferns and twee statuary for sale--and once inside it�s like you�re trapped in some hellish gateway between the Crate & Barrel and Liberace�s bedroom. Not even the Trader Joe�s next door is this precious. One thing�s still the same, though: At night the cruisers still gravitate toward the big beef jerky display. (I�m not kidding.)
So I�m in the frozen-food section--my last stop whenever I go grocery shopping. I look up, and there on top of the freezer is a tiny salmon-colored faux-granite table and two beige wicker chairs, along with a sign: "BISTRO SET--ONLY $149.99."
I thought I was going to pee with laughter. Who the fuck buys Pier 1 furniture at the supermarket, anyway? Do people really do that sort of thing on impulse? Is there anyone in this world, gay or straight, who might actually glance upward while they�re looking for the Hot Pockets and think, "Ohmigod, I just have to have that bistro set! And look, it�s only $149.99!" Do people�s brains really work like this?
As usual, when I went to the register, the checker asked me if I had a club card. As usual, I said no. (I don�t sign up for Megalomart Club Cards for the same reasons I don�t often go there in the first place--I try to avoid buying their shit, so why should I help them try to sell me their shit?) And as usual, the checker said, "That�s ok--I�ll give you the discount anyway." That doesn�t happen to anyone else I know, so obviously it�s yet another one of my Gimp Superpowers. Any ideas on how I can harness that power for evil? Miguelito�s suggestion box--aka my guestbook--is open.
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