2001-07-23 - 9:44 p.m.
Two things in particular weirded me out about Final Fantasy. The first was the storyline, which sounded like everyone�s first stoned freshman-dorm bull session: "Whoa, man, didja ever think that maybe the whole earth is like one gigantic living being, and all life on it is totally interconnected, you know, and when you die you just get absorbed back into it?" "Wow, how cool! And like if you dug all the way down into the center of the earth you�d find all this fluorescent blue Jell-O that�s, like, the earth�s life force!" "WHOOOAAAHHHH!!!" I predict this movie will become the next pothead cult classic.
Then there are all the CGI�d human characters. Not only do they look like walking, talking police composite drawings--they look like drawings pieced together from headshots of various easily-recognized celebrities and historical figures. Hearing the voice of Alec Baldwin coming out of a digitized Ben Affleck head given George Clooney�s hair and plopped onto Henry Rollins� body is disturbing enough--and yet, watching the bastard child of Abraham Lincoln and Leon Trotsky open his mouth and then hearing Donald Sutherland come out is even more unnerving. And whenever the villain appeared onscreen I wasn�t sure whether I should expect him to say, "Heeeeerrrre�s JOHNNY!!!!" or "You think I�m funny? Am I a clown? Do I amuse you?"
Oh well. At least they didn�t have those creepily huge eyes that anime characters always have. Those always fucking freaked me out.
I think I�ll go masturbate while fantasizing about Jessica Rabbit now.
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