2001-07-31 - 12:44 a.m.
Dear DLove:
Dude, it doesn�t surprise me one pluperfect bit that there are parents out there trying to auction off the naming rights to their children. I predict that it won�t be long until Multi-ConglomCorps start offering to pay for children�s educations, medical expenses and daycare in exchange for having their logos tattooed on the kids� foreheads at birth.
I just hope the poor kid in this case doesn�t wind up with something stupid, corporate sponsorship or no; these parents sound like just the type who�d name their kid after one of the members of N�Sync, or who�d give him or her a fairly common name but then spell it in some retarded fashion, like "Aeryk" or "Soozan," or pick some Celtic or Aramaic name they found in a book which sounds cool but translates literally as "He who sodomizes his own horse every morning before breakfast."
Back in college I knew this punk guy named Chauncey. He totally reminded me of Vyvyan in "The Young Ones." Hands up if anyone out there thinks this is a coincidence.
I�m told that in France there�s this big official list of baby names and that it�s actually illegal to give your kid a freaky name. I like that idea. On the other hand, look at France--all the men there are named Jean-Luc and all the women are named Marie-Claire, and who the hell wants that?
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On Saturday I went down the street and watched San Diego�s Gay Pride Parade. Man, talk about corporate sponsorship--every damn float was either by one of the clubs in the neighborhood or had the logo of a radio station or beer company slapped on the side of it. Once Budweiser starts marketing to the gay community, you know the Culture War is over.
During the parade I had a hilarious conversation (most of which I�ve now forgotten) with a couple sitting next to me who�d rented Showgirls the night before and couldn�t stop talking about how bad it was.
"So why�d you rent it in the first place?" I asked. "Imagine seeing it in a theater--no one who saw it when it first came out will ever forget how bad it was."
"Because Kyle MacLachlan is cute, that�s why. But not in this movie--he looked like the Flying Nun with that hair. And omigawd, that sex scene in the pool!"
We eventually decided that Showgirls is a lot like All About Eve, only with violence, nudity, lesbian sex, stupid stupid dialogue, and no camp value at all.
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Word to Mechaieh: Glad to hear that my music recommendations carry some weight. I�m thinking of staging a big rock festival in December on the anniversary of Altamont--what do y�all think I should call it?
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That�s all for now. I�ll be on a secret mission in Denver and thus offline for a few days. Miss me.
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