2001-08-09 - 10:38 p.m.
Ever feel as if you�ve dropped through a wormhole and fallen into a "Cathy" cartoon? For my birthday last night my sister-in-law made me the Most Evil Cake Ever. I don�t have the recipe--otherwise I�d be sending it to Comfort Food--but I know it contains Oreos, Jell-O chocolate pudding, Cool Whip, and a whole stick of butter. Delicious, yes--but I swear you could dam the Colorado River with all that saturated fat.
So what do I do? I take half of it home. Where it�s sitting in my refrigerator, mocking me, beckoning to me in this deep, gurgly voice. "COME TO ME, MIG! I KNOW YOU WANT ME! SUCK UP EVERY LAST DROP OF THAT CHOLESTEROL! FEEL YOUR ASS GET BIGGER AND BIGGER! EAT MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"
Damn it, I�m a guy. I�m not supposed to have these kinds of issues. Oh well, the way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it, as Oscar Wilde once said.
Oscar Wilde was a guy, too.
***
On a more positive body-image note, I�ve scheduled my biannual post-birthday tattoo for next weekend. It�s not a tradition, technically, since I�ve only done it once before--after this next one it�ll be a tradition. I was shooting for this weekend, but the artist I want is already booked up. Which is ok, actually--this will give me plenty of time to talk to him, look at some of his work, bounce my own ideas off him to see which ones he likes, if any, and then change my mind about 85 million times before finally settling on the design I want permanently etched into my skin. This guy is widely regarded as one of the best tattoo artists in San Diego and I plan on taking full advantage of that fact.
Tattoos are a great substitute for therapy, at least for me. It�s a way of getting comfortable inside my skin. I don�t hate my body--not anymore--but I�m not very well connected to it and I never have been. Being poked, prodded, cut open and put on display by doctors constantly as a child will do that to a person. Being raised a tight-assed Lutheran didn�t help either.
I�m sure getting laid more often would fix this problem, but in the absence of that a tattoo ain�t too shabby. I can look at it in the mirror and say to myself, "Wow! That�s cool!" Then I can go out and show it to other people and have them say, "Wow! That�s cool!" Which might actually lead to--I dunno--getting laid more often. Maybe.
Don�t worry, I�ll post pictures. Of the tattoo, I mean.
***
I just figured out what that awful smell in my apartment is. Apparently some flies committed mass suicide this evening by diving into the halogen lamp in my living room. Mmmm, barbecued bluebottle.
***
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