2001-12-06 - 4:42 p.m.
So I was browsing through yesterday�s L.A. Times when I came across a story about the death of Strom Thurmond�s former babysitter.
Let�s stop right there for a second to soak that up. Just take a moment and let your brain absorb the full horror of it.
Strom Thurmond�s babysitter.
"No, Strom, you can�t have another piece of deep-fried pork-belly--it�s almost your bedtime and it�ll just give you a tummyache. And no, you can�t stay up--your momma said they�d be home from the lynching around 8:00 and if you�re still up when they get home there�ll be hell to pay."
Anyway, she was like 250 years old or something, and she spent her whole life in the same town in South Carolina where Strom grew up, so apparently there�s some sort of life-prolongation agent in the water there. Unfortunately--judging from what Strom looks like--it works by mummifying you while you�re still alive, so I doubt the FDA will be approving it anytime soon.
Remember that yogurt commercial from the �80s? The one showing all the folks in Soviet Georgia who�ve reached the century mark and can still ride horses and chop wood and shit, all because they eat a lot of yogurt? That�s the sort of supercentennarian I�d want to be, given a choice--they at least look like they�re getting some fun out of it. On the other hand, that�s also the part of the world Joseph Stalin came from, so I guess it�s a good thing not all Georgians live so long.
I wonder if Joe Stalin�s babysitter is still alive.
***
In other news this week, U.S. forces in Afghanistan took into custody a 20-year-old American who�d been fighting for the Taliban. Which comes as no surprise to me, really--the Taliban and al-Qaeda are basically just whacked-out cults, anyway, and what�s a religious cult without a few freaky American suckups? I�m just surprised we haven�t heard from more of them.
Reports say the kid grew up in Marin County. Yeah, like that�s a big surprise, too.
***
I�ve had a highly motivation-free last couple of weeks--and that includes any motivation to update this diary. My post-Thanksgiving bronchial infection just hung around and around and refused to go away--for the last two weeks my four main activities have been (1) sleeping, (2) trudging robotically through work, (3) vegging out in front of the TV, (4) sleeping some more. The antibiotics I got from the doctor eventually helped, but they also made my head feel ... well, sort of like how Strom Thurmond looks. It�s hard to update a journal when you have to pause every two seconds to wipe drool off the keyboard, you know?
I�ve been so out of it, in fact, that I totally missed this site�s first anniversary. Just think, a whole year�s worth of whole-grain Miguelito-y goodness. Let�s recap, shall we? Since I started this diary:
--We elected an idiot President,
--We unelected him, seemingly, but then the Supreme Court reelected him for us,
--I ranted a lot about the aforementioned idiot,
--I ranted a lot about other stuff,
--I had Lesbian Pancakes,
--I had to put my own plans for world domination on hold after some evil jackass from Saudi Arabia stole my thunder and started blowing shit up,
--I singlehandedly averted the Death of Irony,
--I saw Rocket from the Crypt about five million times,
--I got a new apartment,
--Did I mention the Lesbian Pancakes already?
That pretty much sums up the year.
And oh, yeah:
--I became the New Elvis.
What? I haven�t told you the New Elvis story? Tune in tomorrow.
***
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