2002-01-11 - 4:21 p.m.
So the big story in San Diego this past week has been the disgruntled San Onofre nuclear power plant worker who threatened his former supervisor after being fired and got labeled a terrorist and carted off to jail as a result. This is one of those stories where I�m just not sure who deserves to be pointed and laughed at first. (Actually, a lot of news stories are like that; e.g., who is stupider, President Bush or the people who voted for him?) On one side you have a guy--by all accounts not the brightest rod in the reactor core--who shoots off his yap about possible physical violence at a nuclear power plant mere months after the worst terrorist act on American soil and then expresses surprise at being arrested. On the other side there are the authorities and the media, who took one look at the guy�s antique gun collection and stampeded into a conclusion that he was al-Qaida�s point-man in Orange County. Uh, folks? If this poor shlub were truly masterminding a terrorist attack on San Onofre, don�t you think he�d be stockpiling something a lot more state-of-the-art than Civil War-vintage rifles?
Then again, maybe not. That one dude who tried to blow up an airliner by stuffing his Nikes with plastique and trying to detonate them with a cardboard match obviously rode the short bus to the terrorist training camp, too. Me, I want smart minions. I could do what Osama bin Laden does, no problem--I could pass out a lot of hashish and say Heaven is like one of Fred Durst�s evenings at the Playboy Mansion, and I�d have hundreds of mooks on my doorstep volunteering to off themselves for me. But would they know shiatsu? Have a clue what wine to serve with dinner? Hold their own in an intelligent conversation? Cover their teeth when giving a blowjob? That�s the sort of skill set I�m looking for.
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