2002-03-15 - 12:36 p.m.
This weekend is going to be a busy one--I have an article to finish, some wine to taste, an art opening to attend and a Badsnake to feed--so I�d better get this out of the way early.
* Britney Spears piss-bombed in L.A. On the one hand, eww. Wouldn�t it have been easier just to call the cops on her peace-disturbing ass? Haven�t these people heard of The New Civility? But on the other hand ... Pleasepleaseplease, God, let Creed do a video shoot underneath my window.
* Senate says NO to mileage standards for gas-sucking Bloatmobiles. By now, I�m sure, everyone has seen the latest batch of Partnership for a Fun-Free America ads claiming that smoking maryjane or shooting up H is giving aid and comfort to terrorists. Wouldn�t it be great if we could start an anti-SUV campaign along similar lines? We could show some soccer mom gassing up her Ford Expedition at one of those old-style pumps that go "ping! ... ping! ... ping!" and as the dollar amount approaches three digits the soccer mom turns to the camera and says, cheerily, "Every time a bell rings, an al-Qaida suicide bomber gets his wings." Or we could show the inside of the Senate chamber--"This is our government"--then zoom in to show Osama bin Laden whispering into the ear of, say, Trent Lott--"This is our government on oil-company contributions. Any questions?"
* El Cajon says YES to tolerance--unless you�re one a�them gay homos. Because after all, God hates those people.
* Wife-swapping potheads tried for child neglect. OK, not really. But judging from all the none-of-your-beeswax questions Danielle van Dam�s parents were being asked, you�d think they were the ones on trial. And while we�re on the subject, can we stop referring to Danielle van Dam by just her first name? She�s a murder victim, not a supermodel.
* Bush. Kettle. Black. From the Washington Post: "President Bush said the United States did not �recognize the outcome of this [Zimbabwean] election because we think it�s flawed. ... We are dealing with our friends to figure out how to deal with this flawed election.�" How about making the U.S. Supreme Court into some kind of rapid deployment force we can use to fix elections around the world? It worked the first time.
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