2002-06-26 - 7:53 p.m. OK. I�ve got some fettuccini calling my name (no, really, the pasta speaks to me--you should hear the tiny screams they make when I drop them in the boiling water) and a Sopranos DVD to watch this evening, so I�ll have to make it fast. * Germany versus Brazil? Bleh. Judging from what I�ve learned about soccer, that�s like having both the Yankees and the Braves in the World Series. Oh, well, whatever. * Was Little Steven ever even asked to play Sun City? Somehow I doubt it. * When I was little, I used to think the Pledge of Allegiance went, "and to the Republic where witches stand." If I were 5 years old today I�d go to court and demand that line be taken out because it establishes Wicca as an official religion. * If you apply the Bible Code theory to the paperback version of The Fountainhead it says Andy Dick will be our next President. Try it and see. * I have no personal quarrel with the Catholic Church so long as there aren�t any more child-raping ex-priests in my apartment building. I was raised Lutheran, anyway--we�re too tight-assed for anal sex. And our scandals are boring. There was that one potluck where the Nyqvists brought that casserole that smelled metallic and gave everyone the squirts for a week, but that�s as scandalous as we ever get. * Saw Smallville for the first time last night. Holy crap--that�s got to be the gayest current TV show that isn�t Queer as Folk. * Every so often I go visit the Canadian immigration office�s web site just to see what my chances would be of getting in if/when John Ashcroft declares himself Emperor for Life of the Republic of Gilead. Last time, I scored 70 out of a possible 100. If I spoke French, I�d score 80. If I already had a job in Canada, my score would be so high that Jean Chretien himself would offer me a blowjob from Celine Dion if I moved there. * Do I really want a blowjob from Celine Dion? I�m afraid I might get carried away and snap her scrawny neck like a carrot. * Remember, you can�t slug your children with nuclear arms. *** |
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