2001-01-24 - Night
Time for tonight�s episode of Point and Laugh at the Stupid People.
I went swimming tonight. Normally when I go to the pool in the evenings I have to fight for space with the obnoxious little kids, the middle-aged blubberbutts who think they�re Mark Spitz and the old ladies doing water aerobics in hairspray and full makeup. But not tonight. Tonight I had to share the pool with ... a bunch of people kayaking.
Kayaking.
In the shallow end of a community pool.
In front of other people.
Actually, it looked more like a capsizing class than a kayaking class.
Uh, dudes? Hello? You do know that this is a freakin� KIDDIE POOL and not the Colorado rapids, right? I hope you�re not expecting the chyx to squeal with delight over how studly you are as you paddle around in three feet of water. (I mean, it�s not like these were senior citizens or kids with Down syndrome or anything--these were buff guys in their 20s, wearing skintight black wetsuits showing off all their muscles. All I can say is, they must be really, really comfortable with their masculinity--either that, or this pool has become the latest gay cruising spot in town and I haven�t picked up on all the cues yet.)
Meanwhile, off to one side, a 40ish-looking woman was getting a swimming "lesson." I put "lesson" in quotes because all she did was sit on the deck, dangling her feet in the water and taking lots of deep breaths while the "instructor" droned on and on with some sort of guided-imagery gibberish: "You are the Water. The Water is you. Let the Water envelop you in her arms and wash your fear away. You are not learning to swim, the Water is learning to embrace you ..." For $50 a half-hour, no doubt.
I hate it when my home state acts all stereotypical on me.
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Here�s to krapsnart�s successful surgery. If I were you, I would have angled for some Vicodin--Tylenol 3 just doesn�t cut it for me. But then, I�m a post-op druggie.
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