2001-03-14 - Afternoon
OK, so I�d been spending a day-and-a-half in Raving Stress Maniac mode waiting for bluelines that were supposed to be delivered yesterday, but weren�t, because Airborne Express are a bunch of lazy direction-impaired sloping-forehead fucks who couldn�t find their own asses with both hands and a copy of Proctology for Dummies.
Still waiting, I turned on the Sci-Fi Channel and lo, what did I see but the "Spock�s Brain" episode of Star Trek. Obviously God knew that the exact thing I needed to see at that moment was a bimbo in go-go boots yelling, "Brain and brain! WHAT IS BRAIN??"
Thank you, God, for helping me to laugh at stupidity ... again.
***
Speaking of stupidity, here�s one last thought on the PC-ness of penetrative vs. nonpenetrative sex: The gay guy who cuts my hair once described himself as an "aggressive bottom." I just had to ask him what he meant by that--"What, do you tackle the dude from behind, flip him over and then sit on him?" "Pretty much," he said. He didn�t elaborate.
But I�m guessing Badsnake would say: Now that�s a man who�s embraced the power of his asshole.
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Speaking of assholes, Morton Downey Jr. died earlier this week.
OK, that wasn�t nice. What did he ever do to me, besides eclipse the career of Wally George, who as right-wing 1980s talk-show hosts go was about a million times more entertaining? (Seriously, for all the handwringing that overeducated liberals did back then over both of them, I didn�t know a single Wally George viewer who took his politics seriously--it was all about watching punks and strippers get him worked up into a rabid froth. Irony, baby, irony.) Besides, the typical Jerry Springer guest makes the folks Downey had on his show back in the day look like Rhodes scholars.
Personally, I think the Springer-type talk shows are harmless--it�s the more "respectable" ones like Oprah that we have to watch out for. An online friend of mine appeared on Oprah a few years ago, and his experience only confirmed what I already suspected--that her show and others like it have a definite worldview that they�re pushing and woe unto any guest whose opinions run counter to it. They can make you look like a stone idiot, if they want to--and if it�ll make the homebound losers who comprise their viewing audience feel good about themselves--and there ain�t jack you can do about it. At least the trashier talk shows give people an honest forum for their narcissism, instead of using it against them.
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Speaking of narcissism, should I go for this Diaryland Gold membership or not?
I can already hear some of you saying, "Yes! Yes! Go for the gold, Tonya Harding!" And I have to admit, the idea of having a ready-made hitmeter instead of going to the trouble of setting up my own is very appealing.
But, but ... I don�t want to be a Diaryland celebrity. That could put my master plan in serious jeopardy. As it stands now, my relative obscurity allows me to recruit minions selectively, picking only those who prove themselves to be of high quality--if every wannabe suddenly saw my banner ad they�d all be pounding on the steel doors of my island fortress in the Pacific and then what would be the point of having minions to start with?
Besides, if I get too high a profile too soon Uncle Bob might find out about me and kick my ass.
Ah, whatthefuck--I�ll do it. Andrew seems like a good guy--he deserves to be rewarded for his efforts. And he�s a fellow Rocket from the Crypt fan, which is an added bonus.
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Speaking of Rocket, here�s a great quote from Speedo in the Seattle Weekly: "But we don�t consider Tae-Bo exercise--it�s a form of self-defense." Trust me, it�s funny in context.
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Speaking of self-defense, I gotta go defend my job against the morons trying to undermine it. Bye for now.
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