2001-04-13 - 6:20 p.m.
Most of the time, I�m the sort of editor whom writers love. I don�t beat them up verbally over the phone (unless they deserve it), I don�t chop out huge chunks of text (unless it needs it), and I don�t arbitrarily rewrite their prose so that it sounds like mine (unless it is mine and it sounds like a five-year-old wrote it--which happens more often than you might think).
Nevertheless, I do have one big, stinking pet peeve which kicked in today when one of our new writers for June sent me his bio. It wasn�t much to start with--just "So-and-so is a freelance writer who lives in thus-and-such," no published articles, no awards, no high-profile criminal charges, no nothing--but I could live with that. What put me over the edge was the little note scrawled at the top: i�d appreciate it if you put my name all in lowercase. that�s how i like to appear in print.
Wow. Lowercasing your name.
How poetic.
How postmodern.
How gut-blastingly unoriginal.
Do I look like a fucking ZINE editor to you? No, wait, I take that back--even zinesters know better than to lowercase their names anymore. Hell, even grade-schoolers know better. You�re, what, 37?
As far as I�m concerned, if you�re a talented writer who takes pride in your craft you have no need to feel ashamed of using the name your parents gave you. As with all rules, of course, there are numerous exceptions, including but not limited to:
* You hate your parents.
* You love your parents, but the name they gave you is terminally geeky and got you beaten up at school every day.
* You�re creating an alternate persona that expresses your literary voice better than your given name does. (The voice has to be genuine, though--not some silly affectation to show the world how sensitive and angst-ridden you are.)
* You�re in the Witness Protection Program.
* You�re in fear for your life because you know who really killed JFK and there are corrupt men in high places who will stop at nothing--you hear me? NOTHING!--to keep us from knowing The Truth.
* You�re on Diaryland.
And none of the above exceptions excuses you from not hitting the shift key when it�s required. If you�re over 15 and you think using all lowercase is daring and cutting-edge then you�re a very silly person and I don�t want to edit you anymore.
Unless you�re e e cummings, and not even he lowercases anymore. Because ... well, because he�s dead, that�s why.
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Off to see the Supersuckers tonight. Have a safe and sane Good Friday, everyone.
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