2001-06-20 - 1:45 p.m.
Ah, I get it now. "No Touch Day" is when Badsnake schedules a date with Sara and then gets stood up. I never realized California�s power grid was so strongly affected by Bad�s sex life.
What am I saying? The whole space-fucking-time fucking continuum depends on Bad�s sex life.
***
Gray Davis had better not be counting on my gettin� some to stave off rolling blackouts, that�s for sure. We�d all be little Abe Lincolns whacking off by candlelight, if he were.
One thing about SoCal: When the weather gets hot, the hot get naked--or close to it. Now that summer�s here San Diego is swarming with--to use a Badsnakey phrase--salt-lick people. Which is all good, don�t get me wrong--but also frustrating. It�s giving me this water-water-everywhere feeling at the moment.
I�m not depressed, just horny. I always get horny after I�ve been in the hospital. My problem lies in making that horniness clear to potential sex partners without making them run away. Many people just assume that my being in a wheelchair means my dick doesn�t work, and breaking down that assumption--short of whipping it out and showing it to them, or hanging a big Day-Glo YES MY DICK WORKS sign around my neck--is well-nigh impossible in the two seconds it takes a new acquaintance to decide if they�d like to have sex with you.
I suppose removing the QUICKIE logo from the back of my chair would be a good first step. It�s probably not helping matters.
But enough of that. I used up my month�s ration of self-pity about two-and-half paragraphs ago. I could use a little ego boost, though. Hear that, readers? Come and tell me I�m fuckable--that�s what guestbooks are for.
***
Saw two great signs the other day. The first one is in a cafe I frequent in my neighborhood: "WELL-BEHAVED children are always welcome." And yes, WELL-BEHAVED was in all-caps.
Translation: "If you�ve taken the time to teach your kids how to be civilized in a public place, grab a table and we�ll be happy to serve you. If, however, they�re shrieking demonspawn who think they�re the center of the goddamn universe and whose parents think they�re entitled to bring them in here and drive away all our other customers, feel free to get the hell out and go to Chuck E. Cheese."
I�ll probably get all sorts of shit from parents about this, but you go, girl.
The second one is less controversial, but just as funny. It�s a bumpersticker I saw on the freeway: "GET OFF THE PHONE AND DRIVE!" If I had the money, I�d put that on every billboard in the city for a year.
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