2002-03-12 - 1:04 p.m.
Don�t you just hate diary entries that start off with, "Sorry for not updating yesterday"? Yeah, me too.
Sorry for not updating yesterday.
***
So last Friday night I go to hear Michael Moore speak. After his speech, and the subsequent Q&A (which quickly turns into a freak show of the come-show-off-your-favorite-conspiracy-theory variety--but I digress), there�s a book signing.
On the stage.
Up a bunch of stairs.
I think you know where this story is heading.
As I reach the edge of the stage one of the event�s organizers spots me and starts to panic. Not because I�m the Miguelito, mind you--though I certainly do aspire to strike terror into people�s hearts whenever I enter a room--but because she knows full well that if some differently-abled person chooses to throw a hissy fit at this moment then all the event�s good will and politically correct street cred will go swirling down the crapper in a New York minute.
(Conservatives, by contrast, never panic when they see me coming at their events. If something is inaccessible they�ll be polite and do their best to accommodate me, but they won�t get the sort of spotted-owl-caught-in-the-headlights look of fear that liberals get. Conservatives are no fun at all.)
Fortunately for her, I�m feeling magnanimous that night--and her problem is solved immediately anyway because Michael Moore himself sees me and is all, "Mig! How�s it goin�?" OK, that part isn�t true, but he does amble over to sign my book and chat with me a bit.
"So what do you do for a living?" he asks.
"I plot world domination."
"Cool!"
Suddenly the PA right next to my head comes to life, loudly: "EXCUSE ME! UNFORTUNATELY THE STAGE ISN�T WHEELCHAIR ACCESSIBLE, BUT IF YOU CAN�T CLIMB THE STAIRS PLEASE LET ONE OF US KNOW AND WE�LL BE GLAD TO ASSIST YOU."
Will they be having a sign-language interpreter at the next event? Because I�m deaf now, too.
***
I like Michael Moore. I disagree with him strongly about Ralph Nader (my best friend has been a Green Party member for 10 years and even he can�t convince me that the Greens will ever amount to anything more than a sideshow for college-aged trustafarians and middle-aged yuppie liberals with SUV guilt, so I doubt anyone else can convince me either), but he�s one of the few people on the left in America who still possesses a working pair of testicles. Sure, he�s got man-tits bigger than Meat Loaf�s in Fight Club, too, but if I�m looking for someone to beat up the schoolyard bully I�ll pick him over Al Gore any day of the week. I�d almost forgotten how angry I still am at the way Shrub hijacked the White House and listening to Moore brought it all screaming back. There are some things that it�s good to stay mad about.
***
Five days until dinner with die b�se Schlange. And I still haven�t picked out a fatted calf yet--I�d better do so today before all the good ones are spoken for.
***
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