2002-05-13 - 11:57 a.m.
Before I review Spiderman, some brief words about coming attractions:
* Scooby Doo. Shame on you, Hollywood, for taking all of my happy Saturday-morning memories and defiling them one by one. Didn�t the high-water mark for bad film adaptations of Hanna-Barbera cartoons come and go about five years ago? You can tell just from the trailer that this movie stinks even without the Freddie Prinze Jr. Seal of Putridness slapped on the front of it--the animation is terrible, none of the actors look at all like their cartoon counterparts, and the music and dialogue carry the unmistakeable cologne-heavy stench of movie-industry fortysomethings trying to strike ironic hipster poses and failing pathetically. I bet Scrappy�s in it, too.
* Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. Hmmm. Is it possible this movie might actually be good? Do I dare even to think that? The only other trailer I�ve seen for it was all Anakin and Amidala being lurvy-durvy and it made everyone in the audience want to blow hyperspace-velocity chunks at the screen--but this one looked pretty good, even if it did give away the entire plot. Still, I refuse to get my hopes up--it took months to floss out the aftermath from when I bit down hard into the steaming heap of shit that was The Phantom Menace and I vowed at the time never to let George Lucas do that to me again.
* Some new piece of action-crap with Vin Diesel in it. Didn�t catch the title. Didn�t want to.
***
So. About Spiderman.
My friend Ed and I had a difference of opinion about it. For Ed, the whole movie was ruined with the scene in the Columbia "genetics lab" which quite frankly looked more like a library rotunda somewhere with a bunch of computers and microscopes and bubbling whatsits arranged artistically on the floor. "Have you ever been in a science lab?" he kept saying afterward. "They�re always in some dusty room in the basement with fluorescent lights that are way too bright--they sure as fuck never have marble columns and vaulted ceilings."
"True," I said by way of reply, "but real human beings don�t develop spinnerets and a habit for climbing tall buildings every time they get bitten by a spider, either. You do realize this is a comic book, don�t you?"
I, on the other hand, liked it a lot. That�s the upside of going into movies expecting to be disappointed: When you aren�t, it�s a pleasant surprise. The effects are nice--though not overwhelming--Tobey Macguire is perfect in the role, and Kirsten Dunst makes me feel like a dirty old man. As with all Sam Raimi films, watch carefully for cameos by Ted Raimi, Bruce Campbell, and Sam�s piss-yellow �73 Oldsmobile. Fun stuff.
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Had a really, really good weekend, but I won�t bore you with the details. You know why I never write about my weekends here? Every Monday morning I sit down at the computer, practically bursting at the nipples to tell all my minions about the fabulous weekend I had--but then I make the mistake of reading other people�s diaries first, and sure enough, someone else�s weekend tops mine.
Any group-sex clubs in San Diego? Anyone want to start one? I�m pretty sure my carpet is Scotchguarded.
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