2002-06-26 - 7:53 p.m.
OK. I’ve got some fettuccini calling my name (no, really, the pasta speaks to me--you should hear the tiny screams they make when I drop them in the boiling water) and a Sopranos DVD to watch this evening, so I’ll have to make it fast.
* Germany versus Brazil? Bleh. Judging from what I’ve learned about soccer, that’s like having both the Yankees and the Braves in the World Series. Oh, well, whatever.
* Was Little Steven ever even asked to play Sun City? Somehow I doubt it.
* When I was little, I used to think the Pledge of Allegiance went, "and to the Republic where witches stand." If I were 5 years old today I’d go to court and demand that line be taken out because it establishes Wicca as an official religion.
* If you apply the Bible Code theory to the paperback version of The Fountainhead it says Andy Dick will be our next President. Try it and see.
* I have no personal quarrel with the Catholic Church so long as there aren’t any more child-raping ex-priests in my apartment building. I was raised Lutheran, anyway--we’re too tight-assed for anal sex. And our scandals are boring. There was that one potluck where the Nyqvists brought that casserole that smelled metallic and gave everyone the squirts for a week, but that’s as scandalous as we ever get.
* Saw Smallville for the first time last night. Holy crap--that’s got to be the gayest current TV show that isn’t Queer as Folk.
* Every so often I go visit the Canadian immigration office’s web site just to see what my chances would be of getting in if/when John Ashcroft declares himself Emperor for Life of the Republic of Gilead. Last time, I scored 70 out of a possible 100. If I spoke French, I’d score 80. If I already had a job in Canada, my score would be so high that Jean Chretien himself would offer me a blowjob from Celine Dion if I moved there.
* Do I really want a blowjob from Celine Dion? I’m afraid I might get carried away and snap her scrawny neck like a carrot.
* Remember, you can’t slug your children with nuclear arms.
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