2001-03-07 - Afternoon
Apparently throwing gimps down stairs hasn�t helped to jack up XFL�s flaccid ratings, as I heard on the radio this morning that they�re planning to put cameras in the cheerleaders� locker rooms.
Shyeah, right, like that�s going to help any. XFL cheerleaders wear hardly anything even when they�re on the field, and any naughty bits in the locker room will be pixellated out before they hit the screen, so all those horny XFL viewers (all 12 of them, according to Mr. Nielsen) expecting to see all manner of nekkid cheerleader flesh are going to be deeply disappointed. I�m guessing this is really a ploy to boost sales when the unpixellated "XFL Cheerleaders--UNCENSORED!!" series hits the video stores.
Vince McMahon needs to realize that it�s not 1977 anymore. Sure, back in the old days teenage boys had no choice but to turn to network TV for their whacking material--there was no Internet to download dirty pictures from, and to see a porn film you actually had to go to a theater, so your average heterosexual 14-year-old with a continuous woody had to content himself with Charlie�s Angels. But these days, when it comes to meeting people�s masturbatory needs, network television is as obsolete as a 2400-baud modem.
So, here�s to the imminent demise of XFL. It can�t compete in the sex department, and it can�t really crank up the bloodshed much further either, since even Republicans (who as recently as 1996 were praising the movie True Lies as wholesome family entertainment) are in an uproar over onscreen violence. If Vince McMahon knew what was good for him he�d re-lacquer that hairpiece of his and refocus his attention on the WWF. Cartoon violence, after all, is a timeless art form. Just ask Bugs Bunny. Or Jesse Ventura.
***
|
 |