2002-03-05 - 2:28 p.m.
You know what�s even better than being at a Rocket from the Crypt show? Being surrounded by about a dozen hot chyx shakin� it all night long at a Rocket from the Crypt show.
HOT CHYK: We�re not distracting you from Rocket, are we?
MIG: Rocket�s playing? Where?
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Everyone go read this. Now. Come back here when you�re done, but go read it.
Back? OK.
Unlike some of my friends, I�ve never felt uncomfortable expressing patriotic sentiments even when my country is pissing me off royally. That�s because it�s people like the one you just read who represent America to me, not the fist-pumpers Krapsnart talked about a while ago.
Or maybe I�m just glad there�s still someone in Congress who takes that oath to defend the Constitution seriously, even if most of the CNN-addled public will never know about it.
Hey, George? Good work on Afghanistan. No, really. I part company with a lot of my lefty friends on this point; as far as I�m concerned any cult (that�s what al-Qaeda is, really--it�s an Islamic Jonestown with bloodlust and petrodollars) who believes God or Allah or Elvis or whoever is telling them to horribly kill thousands of people deserves to get its shit stomped regardless of how many Utne Reader-reading liberals think we look like big meanies for doing so. The guy I voted for in 2000 lost, but that�s probably just as well in this instance, since the peace-pussies in the Democratic party have done such a great job over the last 25 years of chasing away anyone who could be trusted to fight a war effectively that I can�t imagine any alternate-universe Gore administration doing much post-9/11 except wringing its hands and/or bombing some useless random target somewhere in Africa.
But. I still don�t trust you or Dick Cheesey or John Asscrack any further than I can throw a pretzel at you. I may love my country but that doesn�t mean I always like it. Someone needs to remind you and your attack-poodles in the media (e.g., Robert Novak, Rush Limbaugh--geez, that guy's still around?--and everyone at Fox News) that there�s a difference between disloyalty and dissent. Nobody gave you permission to pee on the Bill of Rights or go off carpet-bombing anywhere you feel like it just because your approval rating is ridiculously high at the moment. Not that I have any suspicions at all that you�re simply milking 9/11 for all it�s worth to keep everyone�s attention away from that sweaty, belching, farting 900-pound elephant that is Enron, mind you.
Plus, it would be great if you could take some money from the White House�s petty cash and invest in a decent thesaurus so you�d have a few synonyms for "evil" to work with in your speeches. The English language is rich and varied and you should take advantage of that fact. "Fire bad, tree pretty, bin Laden evil," isn�t very Presidential. I�m just saying.
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